Podcast: Play in new window | Download
“Choosing not to act on an angry impulse and to feel the pain that lies beneath it is a very courageous thing to do.” -Gary Zukav
I’ve got a dear friend who has a very patient husband. He’s there when she’s sweet and loving, and he’s there when she’s petulant and argumentative. My friend, and I say this with love, is moody. She’s lucky to have found a man who rides the wave as he does. He lives by a code, while mood still dictates her behavior. Here’s what I’ve offered her…and you.
We all have the choice to live by our mood or live by our code. Living by our mood means arguing and criticizing when we feel argumentative and critical. Living by our code means deciding in advance how we’re going to treat others, no matter how we feel. Yes, it’s a harder choice, but it lacks the negative consequences of the easy one. Do you have a code?
Listen to this week’s podcast above (or on your iPod) about how to develop and live from a code.
PS. I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU ABOUT YOUR CODE OF CONDUCT. PLEASE SHARE IT IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW! AND THANKS TO THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE CONTRIBUTING SO MUCH TO OUR LIVING IN THE PRESENT PROGRAM THIS MONTH!
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
This is such a good idea I am going to try it out starting now !
Thank you for this message! My “code” is the Bible – it gives me all of the manners and help that I could need. I didn’t realize, but sometimes, when I’m following my emotions, instead of my “code”, that’s when my life seems a total chaotic mess. I have several close family members and friends who follow their emotions and didn’t understand why they always seem so out of sync. Now, I understand! It seems so simple to me, being raised in the church and always having that set of standards and examples – but I’m not perfect, of course! Thanks for an “ah-ha” moment!!!
Thanks Sian and Kathleen for your comments. Sian, let me know how that works for you. Kathleen, yes it’s often our religious beliefs that contain our code of conduct…the important thing of course is to live by them and not just let them be words on a page! Thanks for breathing life into them!
I really loved this article. I have lived by a code all my life. The problem that I am currently facing is that when I live by this code, I realize that it allows the other person to not take responsibility for their own actions. Living by my code, I have allowed certain loved ones to take advantage of my forgiving nature. My lessons to learn is when to let go of those toxic people and only surround my self with those who can give and take!
I have certainly tried to “Live by the Code” for many years without ever having a name for it, however, you have brought forth points and ideas in this recording that I find very interesting. I am looking forward to trying to implement some of these ideas to further improve my life and the lives of those around me.
Thank You!
I love the conversations being generated here! Dinah, you raise such an interesting point about how we deal with others who don’t have that kind of code. Great topic for future discussions! Lorna, I look forward to hearing how these ideas impact your life! Thanks all!!!
After a semester of studying Christian ethics, I can totally resonate with living by a code. I have found that much of our ethical outlooks are determined by our context and our history. Many people respond in accordance with their moods because they believe that it is the “right” way to respond. Eye for an eye has a long history and some people don’t realize they have a choice. I like what Kathleen said about working with the Bible. From studying character ethics, I have an understanding of just how reading its content and taking ownership of the stories expand our personal canon of viable moral and ethical responses. Listening to your podcasts and taking in other positive content offers similar possibilities. Keep it coming.
I’d like to suggest the book “Go and Do Likewise” by William Spohn for other people who work with the Bible. It does a good job of explaining how to work with the Jesus story and the rest of the Bible for the type ethical reflection that facilitates transformation in our lives.
Hey Pedro, your comments are always so cogent and on target! I’m intrigued by the book you’ve referenced, and I’m eager to check it out. It’s refreshing to me to see that there are people who read the Bible with the intention of gleaning life lessons rather than mere dogma! I’ve always felt that if more Christians actually followed the lessons of Jesus rather than just worshiping him, the world would be in a very different place!