Prepare to fight me on this…

I was recently interviewed by the lovely Ingrid Vanderveldt (www.ontheroadwithiv, check it out!) and I was explaining my model of success, saying that just getting what you want ISN’T IT. In fact you can make yourself miserable trying to get what you want (or think you want) when success is already right here waiting for you.

You have to first commit to state control (the art of creating the proper state of mind internally despite external circumstances) and then, having arrived in the most resourceful state, solve your problems from a more evolved and joyful perspective.

That’s what I teach people to do in The Mindfulness Process; to rapidly, predictably reframe their circumstances and get into the most helpful, empowered mood possible; to rise above their circumstances.

IV: “Yes, but what would you tell people who are REALLY struggling to pay the bills, etc. How can THEY use that advice? What can THEY do?”

What I didn’t think to say right then but should have was this:

IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEY DO!!!!!

They KNOW what to DO. That’s not the point, and it’s not what I teach. You do what you have to do. You know better than anybody else what the right things are to DO. But it’s not about doing. In fact, often it’s about NOT doing because as long as you’re in your crappy mindset, all the doing in the world isn’t going to solve a thing.

If your kid was freaking out playing a game of Monopoly, insisting that his very happiness hinged on getting Boardwalk, what would you tell him? Would you say, “Play harder, cheat, etc.?” I hope not. If my kid was freaking out about not getting Boardwalk, I’d say, “DUDE, it’s ONLY A GAME!!!” If you can’t enjoy it, WALK AWAY!

“Yea but,” you say (always suspect anything you say that starts with YEA BUT) “what I’m dealing with REALLY matters!” “I’m talking about feeding my family! I’m talking about keeping my house!”

“And it’s a recession. There’s nothing I can do. I’m screwed!!!” Hey my friend, argue away. Knock yourself out. But remember, if you argue for your limitations…you get to keep them.

“Steve, you just don’t get it. You don’t see how serious this is and how hopeless my situation is!!!”

DUDE, listen to yourself! Do whatever you feel you must, but if you’re in that worried, disempowered place you’re NOT doing yourself, your family, or your house any favors. You know that voice in your head that’s saying, “You won’t survive if you stop for a minute!”? It’s bullsh*t!

Stop. HALT. Get up from the game. Take a nap. Go to a movie. Lighten the hell up!!! EVERYTHING you think threatens your survival is but a passing thing. You can do all that suffering or none of it, and still things will get better eventually because THEY ALWAYS HAVE!!!!

As you’ll hear me say often when someone in a crisis says, “Someday we’ll look back at this and laugh,”… “WHY WAIT???”

…..told you you’d fight me on this!