Prepare to fight me on this…
I was interviewed by the brilliant Ingrid Vanderveldt, (www.ontheroadwithiv, check it out!) and I was explaining my model of success, saying that just getting what you want ISN’T IT.
In fact you can make yourself miserable trying to get what you want (or think you want) when success is already right here before you.
You have to first commit to state control (the art of creating the proper state of mind despite external circumstances) and then, having arrived in the most resourceful state possible, solve your problems from a more evolved and joyful place. Or discover there’s nothing to solve after all!
That’s what I teach people to do in my newest book, Bulletproof; to rapidly, predictably reframe their circumstances and get into the most helpful, empowered mood possible; to rise above their perceived challenges and create change.
IV: “Yes, but what would you tell people who are REALLY struggling to pay the bills, etc. How can THEY use that advice? What can THEY do?”
What I didn’t think to say right then but should have was this:
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEY DO
It’s not about doing. It’s about NOT doing, because as long as you’re in your lousy mindset, all the doing in the world isn’t going to solve a thing. Calm reflection is what’s required.
If your kid were freaking out playing Monopoly, insisting that his very happiness hinged on getting Boardwalk, what would you tell him? Would you say, “Play harder, cheat, etc.?” I hope not. If my kid were freaking out about not getting Boardwalk, I’d say, “DUDE, it’s ONLY A GAME!!!” If you can’t enjoy it, WALK AWAY!“
Yea but,” you say (always suspect anything that starts with YEA BUT) “what I’m dealing with REALLY matters!” “I’m talking about feeding my family! I’m talking about keeping my house!”You may indeed be facing such a harsh reality. It may be scary and unbearable. And, my heart goes out to you.
But remember, you can’t stand on one side of a mountain and say with certainty what you’ll find on the other side. Sure, it could be worse than you imagine, but it could be much better. So, it’s important to undertake these epic journeys with as much serene uncertainty as you can muster.
You might say, “That’s impossible! I can’t be happy with this problem looming before me.” To which I’d say, “If you argue for your limitations…you get to keep them.”You might say, “You just don’t get it! You don’t see how serious this is and how hopeless my situation is!” To which I would reply, “If you’re in a worried, disempowered place you’re NOT doing yourself, your family, or your health any favors.”
You know that voice in your head that’s telling you, “You won’t survive if you stop thinking about your problem for even a minute!”? It’s BS!
Stop. HALT. Get up from the game. Take a nap. Watch a movie. Lighten up!!!
EVERYTHING that you think threatens your survival is but a passing thing. Perhaps you will or perhaps you won’t succumb to it, you don’t know. So, you can do all that suffering (perhaps for nothing) or none of it, and still things will run their course and get better eventually because THEY ALWAYS HAVE!!!!
Have you noticed that in crises, people always say, “Someday we’ll look back at this and laugh,”
I say, “WHY WAIT???”…..told you you’d fight me on this!
Anyway, if you’d like to explore this concept more deeply, you can get my new book, Bulletproof, on Amazon, or feel free to schedule a complimentary discovery call to discuss how I can help you move forward.